I Still Miss David Bowie
Songs for remembering David Bowie, today and always.
I remember the day it happened.
For years, my brother had been saying how much he wanted a Husky with ‘David Bowie eyes’. We grew up in Alaska, where huskies were a big part of our lives. The breed do often have a condition that causes their eyes to look mis-matched. The technical term for this is ‘heterochromia’. But ‘David Bowie eyes’ is a better description.
My mom had found a young female husky with such eyes on the Multnomah County animal control website the day before. So now here we were, the whole family piled into the car, on our way over to Troutdale to meet the pup. The sun shining, the Columbia River sparkling just beyond the highway. I was driving, my mom and her tiny dog were in the back, and my brother was riding shotgun. David Bowie had just released a new album two days earlier, on his 69th birthday. Black Star. I hadn’t heard it yet. But my brother had it on his phone. He wasted no time setting me straight.
The first and title track came trickling out, beautiful and strange and unexpected as anything you would hope from a new Bowie creation. I remember the delight of knowing that he was still releasing such strong and unexpected work.
That night, my brother had his David Bowie dog at last. He was in love. Back on wifi, I went to go listen to Black Star further. But what I found was the news:
David Bowie was dead. He had died that very day. Cancer.
The shock of it. How could he be dead, when he’d just put out an album two day ago?!
For reasons I did not and still do not understand, all I could think of in that moment was a lyric from his song “Little Wonder.”
Little wonder then, little wonder
You little wonder, little wonder you
It’s not even one of his songs I listened to that often. But I heard those words playing on a loop, in my head, over and over again, all through that dark January night.
In these subsequent Januaries, there’s a meme that makes its way around social media. “I still miss David Bowie.” It’s silly, and I don’t know who’s responsible for it. But I still feel that same gut punch of 2016 every time I see it.
I do still miss David Bowie. I don’t know why. I didn’t know him. I don’t even imagine that we would have gotten along particularly well if we’d ever met. He was, by some estimations, “just a c*** in a clown suit.” Why should his passing still feel sad? I guess it’s just that he was like this human high water mark of all that the creative spirit could do. This brilliant creature that could seemingly emit any combination of colour and emotion imaginable, as the mood struck him, with immaculate control. Living proof that you could actually bend reality to your will if you had strong enough dreams and lungs and spandex. And then, without warning, he was gone. And though he’d had a long and glorious career, and went out on the highest of high notes, it’s still a loss. Because I think it was only his body that was done - not that creative spirit. And we’ll never know what we’ve all missed out on.
Every year, I’m reminded of his passing, and want to hear his music. So this year I’ve put together a mixtape memo. It isn’t “David Bowie’s Best Songs Ever.” Because how could you ever choose? No. These are the songs I most want to hear when I remember that he is gone now, and remember how glad I am that he was here.
What are your go-to Bowie songs? On this day? Or any day?